Quotes from Students to Illustrate Abuse Tactics

“We were in the same class, which in the beginning was by choice; we wanted to be together. But it was also the only section of this particular class offered and I needed it to graduate. He would sit across the room with his friends and stare at me. His friends would follow me after class and I knew that even if my boyfriend was told to stay away from me, his friends would report back to him or hurt me themselves.”


“He lived in the same residence with me. He would always watch for my car in the parking lot so he would know when I was home. If I refused to answer my door, he would sit outside in the hallway for hours until I had to come out. Sometimes he would kick my door to cause a scene in the hallway.”


“He was constantly criticizing what I wore. He said I was too fat, that I dressed like a slut. He accused me of being stupid, but whenever I tried to study, he insisted I do something with him instead. He said that I was lucky I had him on my side, because no one else would ever be interested in me.”

“My partner told me my professors and teaching assistants only gave me good grades and seemed to like my comments in class because they were trying to get me to sleep with them.”

“When my parents found out about the abuse, they insisted I come home. They decided I wasn’t capable of managing on my own.”

“There was a list of rules that my boyfriend had in order to keep me isolated. Some of these rules were spoken, but most of them I learned through experiences with him. 1. When I send you flowers or buy you jewelry, display them proudly and tell everyone how wonderful and sweet I am. 2. Don’t cry or display your unhappiness in front of me or others. 3. Don’t go telling your therapist or friends about me. You don’t need their opinions about me. 4. After I’ve been violent in private, if we go somewhere public, walk into the room and act normal.”

“Chad denies that he is abusive. He tries to change my reality of what’s happened by saying things like, ‘That’s not really the way it happened.’ He insists that I provoke him and that I’m just as abusive as he is. If I ‘just had a better sense of humor, just learned how to deal with his anger, this wouldn’t happen.’ He’s convinced all his friends that I’m psycho, clingy, manipulative, and abusive.”