In our work with fraternities, many members have asked how they can determine if their friend/brother is abusive. For guys who want to be active bystanders, the first step is recognition. Here are some warning signs that your friend/brother is abusive.

  • He feels jealous often. He is jealous of other people in his partner’s life. He wants them to only be with him.
  • He is constantly questioning them about whereabouts, phone calls, conversations. He feels he has the right to tell his partner what to do, who to talk to, where to go, what to wear.
  • He takes his anger out on things in front of his partner (i.e. he has broken, punched, or thrown things, when angry).
  • He has grabbed, pushed, slapped, or hit his partner when he’s angry.
  • If he hurts his partner, he blames them. He makes excuses for his reactions, especially if others are hurt by them. He blames his behavior on alcohol or drugs.
  • He believes he should be in control of the relationship. He believes his partner is inferior to him. He believes his partner is his property.

Remember: Abuse is a choice.

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