The following questions ask you about your relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, these are signs or “red flags” to assist people in identifying a potentially abusive person.

• Do you feel nervous around your partner?
• Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid your partner’s anger?
• Do you feel pressured by your partner when it comes to sex?
• Are you scared of disagreeing with your partner?
• Does your partner criticize you, or humiliate you in front of other people?
• Is your partner always checking up on you or questioning you about what you do without your partner?
• Does your partner control where you go or check the mileage on your car?
• Does your partner repeatedly and wrongfully accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?
• Does your partner tell you that if you changed, they wouldn’t treat you like this?
• Does your partner’s jealousy stop you from seeing friends or family?
• Does your partner make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?
• Has your partner ever scared you with violence or threatening behavior?
• Does your partner throw or break objects to intimidate you?
• Does your partner make you feel scared by driving too fast and refusing to slow down when you ask?
• Does your partner say, “I will kill myself if you break up with me” or “I will hurt/kill you if you break up with me”?
• Does your partner make excuses for the abusive behavior? For example: saying, “It’s because of alcohol or drugs,” or “I can’t control my temper,” or “I was just joking”?
• Does your partner brag about bullying or harming others or animals?
• Has your partner abused or killed your animals?
• Does your partner impose stereotypical gender roles or invalidate your gender identity?

You do not deserve to be abused. Abusive behavior is always a choice that a perpetrator (those who choose to do harm) makes to harm. Create a safety plan or call someone to talk about your relationship. You may also want to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE to be contacted to a local organization.