FAQs

No. Approximately 1 in 3 women in this country will experience relationship abuse in her lifetime.* Women and children are more at risk of violence in their homes and relationships, by men they know, than in the street. Domestic violence never shows up in statistics as much as it occurs.

*American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report on the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.
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Abuse does occur in same-sex relationships. In fact, statistics show that same-gender relationship abuse is just as common as heterosexual relationship abuse. The elements of abusive relationships are similar for heterosexual and homosexual relationships, although same-gender survivors may face additional barriers to safety and different kinds of threats may be used against them. An individual’s size, strength, politics or personality does not determine whether she or he could be abused or an abuser.*

*Adapted from verahouse.org and nwnetwork.org.
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Women of all ages are at risk for domestic and sexual violence, and those ages 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of experiencing nonfatal intimate partner violence. One in five U.S. teen girls report ever experiencing physical and/or sexual IPV.

Adapted from Catalano, Shannan. Intimate Partner Violence in the United States. U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics (2007); Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse Study, Teenage Research Unlimited for Liz Claiborne Inc. and the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (2008); CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (February 2008); and Silverman et al. (2001).
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No. Abuse is a choice. Although alcohol and drugs are often associated with domestic violence, they do not cause the violence. A lot of people drink and use drugs and most people do not abuse. Not all abusers drink and not all people who drink are abusive. Violence often continues even after an abuser stops drinking.

Adapted from Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse.
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Personality disorders, mental illness, poor impulse control, and generational abuse do not cause domestic abuse. Even in cases where a particular mental illness may cause a person to be abusive, the abuse is not specifically targeted at one person but to everyone around during the episode. However, if an abuser also has a mental illness, they may be more dangerous. For example, an abuser who is severely depressed may stop caring about the consequences of their actions, making them more of a threat to their partner.

Adapted from Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse.
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Holding abusers accountable is important because it sends a message to others that abuse of any kind will not be tolerated in our community.  Unfortunately, there are still many barriers to justice in the criminal justice system, and when professionals do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence, it can make it difficult to adequately identify and prosecute abusers.  In addition, many women cannot rely on the criminal justice system due to institutional barriers, including discrimination or homophobia. Therefore, it is important for us to hold abusers accountable on an individual level as well.  Do not blame the survivor. Teach your children that violence is never the answer to a problem, and that controlling another person is wrong.

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No. 90-95% of domestic violence victims are women and as many as 95% of domestic violence perpetrators are men.* However, men can be victims and women can be perpetrators, and domestic violence occurs in same-sex relationships.

* Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Inmates (NCJ-149259), November 1994; A Report of the Violence Against Women Research Strategic Planning Workshop sponsored by the National Institute of Justice in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1995.

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These studies use a research tool called the “Conflict Tactics Scale,” which does not control for the context in which the violence occurred, such as use of force in self-defense or retaliation. So, for example, if a man is strangling a woman and she scratches him to get him to stop, they each get “one point” on the conflict tactics scale for use of violence! Even more significantly, if a woman has been abused by a man for years, he pushes her into the wall, and she picks up a knife, brandishes it and says “get away from me,” she will get two points and he will get one. This is the substance of studies that found women are more violent than men. Furthermore, other studies consistently find that no matter what the rate of violence or who initiates the violence, women are 7 to 10 times more likely to be injured in acts of intimate partner violence than men are.

Adapted from Susan McGee, Minerva, Inc.

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No.  Most violence against women is committed by a current or former partner.   76% of women who report having been physically assaulted or raped were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, or date. Only 14% of physical assaults against women are committed by strangers.*

*Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes. Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, 1998. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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Many people ask “Why doesn’t the victim leave? Why does the victim stay?” as if it is that simple. It is important to understand that there are many barriers to safety in an abusive relationship. The better question is “Why does the abuser do this and how can I help the survivor gain access to safety?” Leaving is often dangerous and there are many factors an abused partner must consider in the analysis of how to respond to an abusive partner.

Please see Barriers to Leaving for more information.

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All cultures have both traditions of resistance to domestic violence as well as forms of acceptance of it.  Culture cannot excuse domestic violence—though abusers may use “culture” as a way to justify their choice to abuse.  Unfortunately, relationship abuse is prevalent in all cultures.  Across the world, different cultures may have different responses to domestic violence, and some may hold abusers more accountable than others.   Culture is ultimately defined by the individual, so ask a survivor about her definition of her culture before making any assumptions and recognize that every individual has the right to live a life free from violence and abuse.

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Referral of a batterer to a Batterer Intervention Program (BIP) or therapy often provides victims with a false sense of security. Research outcomes on the effectiveness of treatment for batterers are inconclusive at this time. The effectiveness of BIPs is measure d by victim reports and re-arrest. Victim reports can be potentially unsafe, and re-arrest data grossly under-estimates the actual re-offence, making accurate data difficult to attain. What is known about these programs is the rate of attrition (drop out) is around 50%, and the people who drop out are also the most likely to re-offend.* The batterer program alone will not effectively reduce a batterer’s potential for violence. It should also be noted that marriage therapy is generally ineffective and can be dangerous when there is domestic abuse in a relationship.

*Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse
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Studies have found that 30% of male child witnesses choose to become batterers as adults. The remaining 70% did not become batterers and are committed to ending the cycle of violence in their lives.

*California Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CALCASA) Resource Guide, 2006; Campus Advocacy Network, University of Illinois at Chicago.
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Battering is a pattern of control that includes the repeated use of a number of tactics including threats, intimidation, isolation, economic and financial control, psychological and sexual abuse. Domestic violence is not caused by stress or “anger issues.” Most perpetrators do not abuse their friends or boss, no matter how angry they are. Abuse is targeted and controlled—perpetrators choose to be violent only against their intimate partners. Physical violence is only one of the tactics used to control another person.

*Safe place, ending sexual assault & domestic violence (n.d.).
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Victim provocation is no more common in domestic violence than in any other crime. Abusers make a choice to use abuse; an abuser can always make a choice to break up with the person rather than use abuse. There are no studies that show women like being abused. Battered women often make repeated attempts to leave violent relationships, but are prevented from doing so by increased violence and control tactics on the part of the abuser. 75% of domestic violence-related deaths occur after a victim takes steps to separate from the abuser. Therefore, staying in a relationship is often a survivor strategy.

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Sexual assault is an unwanted or forced sexual act committed without consent. It can occur either against a person’s will, by force or coercion, or when a person is incapable of giving consent, such as when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Force includes actual physical aggression, threats of physical aggression, emotional coercion, and/or psychological blackmailing.

Under federal and state law, sexual assault includes, but is not limited to: rape, forcible sodomy, forcible oral copulation, sexual assault with an object, sexual battery, forcible fondling (e.g., unwanted touching or kissing for purposes of sexual gratification), and threat of sexual assault.

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Regretted sex is when two individuals consent to sexual intimacy, but one or both people experience regret or feel guilty afterwards. Though they may regret that encounter, they do not feel like they did not have a choice. In contrast to regretted sex, sexual assault is about one person taking control and proceeding without consent.

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Rape is an act of dominance, hostility, control and violence. Rape is a means by which one person uses their power to violate another person. A rapist is in complete control and can stop at any time if he wanted to stop. To claim that men can become so consumed by a sexual desire that they cannot help raping someone is an insult to men and their sexual agency.

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According to the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly 99% of sexual assault offenders in single-victim incidents were male. An estimated 91% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are female and 9% are male. We focus on the gendered nature of this crime.

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Both men and boys are victims of rape. In addition, any man who knows someone who has been raped may be deeply affected. All men have something to gain by being a part of ending violence against women and the gender hierarchy that influences these crimes.

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A 2006 college survey indicated that 1 in 4 women have been victims of rape or attempted rape. (2006 CALCASA Report)

Women who are most often raped are between 16 and 24 years of age. Since this is the period when young women begin to date, they are particularly vulnerable to being a victim of date rape. The peak rate of victimization occurs in the 16 – 19 year old age group with the next highest rate of victimization occurring between 20 and 24 years of age.

Eight in ten college rapes involved someone the attacker knew, more than half involved a date. Eighty-six percent of these rapes occurred in off-campus housing or in a car. Prior to the rape 42% had not been sexually active. (Rape on Campus: Facts and Measures)

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Many victims of sexual assault will experience Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS). As the victim works through the stages of RTS, denial and memory loss are often experienced, followed by flashbacks and slowly coming to terms with the trauma of the event. During this process, victims may not be able to remember specifics or order of details. The amount that they remember will change over time.

Survivors may also face social pressures to change their stories. She may be afraid of her attacker, especially in cases where sexual assault is linked to relationship abuse, and change her story once he finds out she has pressed charges. She may also be ashamed because of the way her family, friends, or other communities are judging her as a result of the incident and change her story so people will not judge her as much.

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There are many barriers to reporting. Consider the ways reports of sexual assault are usually handled in the media, in communities, and in the criminal justice system. Often, the victim’s sexuality and sexual history are questioned along with her clothing, drinking choices, and behaviors. Victims are often scrutinized just as harshly, if not more harshly than the perpetrators they accuse. This process is re-victimizing and does not make reporting an appealing option. Also, given the often private setting of the crime, there is rarely substantial evidence. Victims may recognize this and think that no one will believe them if they come forward. In many cases, women may not recognize what they experienced as a crime because of the proliferation of sexualized violence in the media and expectations that liberated women should be willing to have sex. Victims may also deny or minimize what happened to them as a coping mechanism. There are also substantial physical barriers to reporting. Women may not have the time, money, knowledge, support system, or language capacity needed to access the reporting process.

In one study, the following explanations were found as to why no report was made after a sexual assault:
43% thought nothing could be done
27% thought it was a private matter
12% were afraid of police response
12% felt it was not important enough

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Please see How to Help a Friend.

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• Learn about sexual assault and its impact on society.
• Speak out against sexual assault and sexual violence – even the “little things” that might seem less important, like language that degrades women or makes a joke out of sexual assault.
• Change the conversation – move from victim-blaming dialogue to offender accountability when you here sexual assault discussed.
• Support agencies that are a resource for survivors.

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